if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
