remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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