Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
