I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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