Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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