Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
