I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
