I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
