do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
