i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
