It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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