Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
