wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
