I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
