I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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