Only a mothe r could love this liver
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
