The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
