Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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