absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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