If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Congratulations! We have a period
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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