all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
