wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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