1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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