no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
