I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
