Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
God I need to hump something, right now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
