if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
