she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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