Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
