I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
