i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish i was in the wii world.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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