i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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