he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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