so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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