Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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