were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
