Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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