i would punch a child for taco bell
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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