Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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