I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
