half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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