I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
