You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
