it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
