It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
