Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
