dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
