in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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