walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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