i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize