Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
