i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
