It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize