I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
