HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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