btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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