I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
