Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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