Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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