I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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