I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
