Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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