i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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