Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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