Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
