That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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