I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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