I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
